Jesus “went to her, took her hand, and helped her up.” This is Jesus’ typical response to human pain. And we may brush right past it. Jesus found Peter’s mother-in-law sick in bed with a fever. He took her hand with a gentle and firm touch and lifts her up. Their hands, both Jesus’ and Peter’s mother-in-law’s, undoubtedly were scarred and rough. Working hands. In this touch, I can imagine Jesus feels not just the heat of her fever but the heat and meaning of her life. Jesus touched who she was as well as what she suffered. Peter’s family members were working people callused hand and soul. Like with us, their meaning came largely from their work. Her illness was not simply a fever but loss of meaning. Jesus knew her deep need was more than banishment of a fever, but he gave her an unexpected touch of restored identity.
Chronic Illness Steals Your Identity
As I prayed for Jesus’ tender but strong healing touch over the year-and-a-half of struggling with long COVID, I recognized I was not simply losing my health but losing myself. I could no longer hike, hunt, shoot my archery bow, perform home repairs, wrestle with my grandkids, mow the lawn, hold meaningful conversations, write, drive, and sometimes, even bend down and tie my shoes. I’d loved doing these things for most of my life. Losing them created a crater of emptiness in me.
Will I ever be healed? Will I ever be myself again?
This is what I’ve also heard from other chronic illness sufferers. The pain, fatigue, and unexplainable symptoms are devastating. Loss of self is deeper yet. Especially if you are a Christ believer and you begin to lose the ability to believe. Not in Christ but in healing. In being yourself again.
After being in constant pain for all her adult life, a friend told me she could barely hope any longer. She asked others to hope for her. I found it true for me too. I could hope and pray for her but barely for myself.
Jesus’ Healing Extends Deeper
Mark doesn’t mention if Peter’s mother-in-law’s fever was chronic or short-term. In that time in history, it was likely to be deadly. Jesus does heal her of the fever with a touch but it is his helping hand up that struck me as remarkable. Jesus releases her hand and “She [instantly] began to wait on them,” Mark writes. But this is no “get off your butt, woman, and get back to work” healing. Rather it’s a “I am going to restore you to who you are” healing. He gave her back her identity.
Jesus May Heal Slowly but Loves You Fully
Jesus granted healing to Peter’s mother-in-law in the blink of an eye. My physical and identity healing has taken longer. But it’s coming. Yours may still be in the works. Or your chronic struggle may not be a physical illness. It may be self-doubt, trauma, loss of work, buried dreams, or the death of a loved one. We all seem to be bearing up under something chronic. Something more than we can handle alone. This is why Jesus offers his hand.
I can’t answer the painful question of why Peter’s mother-in-law received instant healing from his touch and so many others don’t. I do know it is not because God loves you less, though it may legitimately feel that way.
What I hope for you is that, whatever your chronic struggle is, you feel the Spirit’s compassionate touch and God begins to restore your identity closer to home. You offer a loved one a wavering smile, a gentle touch. A shared cup of tea or coffee. A kind letter. A glint of your eye. A prayer. Possibly an “I know what you are going through,” spoken to another long-term journeyer.
An Unexpected Touch of Restored Identity
In my mom’s last, long days battling COPD, she had lost her ability to work (she worked well into her seventies), tend her roses, attend church, or visit her many friends. Her identity was being swallowed by her illness. But her trademark spunk that carried her through a hard life had been restored and remained. I still remember her small, weak princess hand wave and gritty smile as she was carried to the ambulance which delivered her to hospice. I didn’t realize it was one of the last times I would see her. But I smile at who she was until the end. Tough, tender, funny, fierce to the end. God didn’t heal her save by delivering her from this life to the next. But God did help her retain her identity as one of the loveliest humans I’ve ever known.
May Jesus heal you and restore your identity as he did for my mom and Peter’s mother-in-law.
More essays that may interest you.
How Do You Answer When Death Asks You Impossibly Hard Questions?
Two Hopeful Truths About God Healing Your Spiritual And Emotional Wounds
“less of me, and more of Him”,… I think I found consolation (and even some fulfillment) in the experience of “becoming weaker” in a chronic on-going sense, but if I hadn’t known of Christ and “the steadfast love of God”, things might have been quite different,… but “God really has been good to me (internally)”, for which I’ve been very grateful,… this has reminded me of the verse John 3:30 “He must increase, but I must decrease.”
however, God’s message of “His steadfast love” includes healing, of course, and so there is a wonderful dynamic going on there, instilling a balance between our needs and His Blessings ~ which causes us to always say, “God is Good”,… (-:
A balance between is soi true.
Thank you Eugene. Wonderful insight here.
I have shared again.
Thank you, Terry.
Wow Eugene. I’m glad you are back! This is such an encouragement to me. It’s like you climbed into my thoughts. I do read Gods word daily and stop when God speaks to me. But looking at the details like this is so good for my heart. I have fought for over half of my life not to let my disease define me. I am a warrior for God on my heart. And to those who are with me. God is my strength and my song. My salvation. It’s almost like God has given me a new and improved identity as I’ve grow older in this process. You words of encouragement are so appreciated. So thankful you are recovering !!
Hi, Debbie. It’s interesting you’ve been on my mind lately. This is how God works. I’ll add you back into my prayers. I’m sad for you and your long illness. I’m heartened that God is giving you a new identity through it, however. I hope other parts of life have been good. Thank you for reading and your encouragement.